This is not the way

by Basma Bamia

Not the way
That’s not the way
I’d like to go
I pulled my partner back
From the street

I don’t mind going
in a big dramatic
car accident,
one with glass and wreckage everywhere.
One where you feel the force
of fate rather than footsteps
Misplaced
At this point, I don’t mind going at all
But it matters the way

I don’t want to go
No one does
Not a single human wishes
The fate of our friends in Gaza this night
Wracked by fear, war sounds surround
huddled in corners, squeezing family tight,
pressing palms and bodies
For as they say, “if we die, we die together, no one left to endure the tragedy of surviving without the others”

No one wishes to die,
Crushed beneath rubble of flattened buildings
Dropped from floor to floor
Tapping to inform the rescue that never comes
Added to the list of ‘missing’ instead of fully mourned.

No one arrives at a hospital
Thinking this may be my last.
Medical supplies obstructed by blockade
Turn even treatable injuries into tragedies
Bleary-eyed physicians peer over dimly-lit tables
The fuel needed to continue
coming from last reserves
And did you choose the facility rightly
Will this one be safe from bombing
When do many others are not

No one wishes to die
slowly starved
Supplies of food dwindling away
Ten trucks a day
In no way
Enough to feed millions
Millions more watching on TV
With nothing to say

And no one wishes to go
The way of my friend Mohammed Reefi
Having scrimped and saved
Food for survival
Finally ran out
So he ran out
To meet the food aid
Arriving in Gaza City
Shot to the ground
Thinking he’s in line
To extend his life
not meet his death.

I question my confidence
I have not a drop of courage
Compared to my colleagues
Facing this each and every day
This is not the way
This is not the way